The Storms Within

Arise and Soar

When you are followed, hearing the insults and depravities that they will visit upon you

Arise and Soar again

When you are chased for your thinking or faith or being a free soul

Arise and Soar again

When you are hunted for living your own life and not theirs, for speaking out against an evil

Arise and Soar again

When you are outlawed for defending the weak, the vulnerable, the helpless, for daring to sacrifice yourself for another

Arise and Soar again

When your oppressors attack you, beating you until you are no more and they finally defeat you

Arise and Soar again and again

Until lambs become lions and the reign of darkness is ended

A simple event happened a little while ago and has stuck out in my head ever since. I was out with my father and someone came over to talk to him. This person knew both of us well but for the duration of their conversation, I was unacknowledged. There were other people around so I was only half listening to the conversation and afterwards my dad explained a little of what was going on. It was a family friend and had to do with business, so I didn’t much mind, but I remember how it made me feel.

Being the quieter type, I never liked being the center of attention, preferring to observe rather than join in to whatever was happening around me at the time. Now that I have a bit of life experience and can hold a conversation without much trouble, this struck me a little more than it normally would have. We’ve all had those bad days where we just wanted to crawl under a rock, or just go lay in bed and not have to deal with anything but what we may not realize is just how much our state of mind can affect those around us.

Say you were out and about and having a bad day and you saw someone you knew but they just looked right through you as if you didn’t exist. What then? How much worse would you feel? Possibly like you aren’t worth the time or effort for a simple acknowledgment of your existence. All of us impact the world every day, doing what we do, but that impact only takes place through interactions, namely with other people. Sure we walk or drive by countless others throughout our daily life and don’t say a word as they blend into all the rest and it won’t affect either person. What will though, for good or ill, are the interactions with those we do know. A smiling hello, or a scowl from a bad mood can affect others more than we think. If we feel like we don’t matter to those who know us, how will we then treat those we know nothing about? This can then extend outward. A bad day just got worse because now you don’t even feel validated as a person.

It will be different for everyone, but what if you, say, don’t have many friends, or any in fact? You may start feeling worthless as a person, like nobody sees you and nobody cares. We’ve all heard stories about kids going through school and maybe they were bullied or an outcast, and it just got to be too much. Then they went and did the unthinkable. Those stories are heartbreaking, but the fix is so so easy. Be kind. Be kind to those you do know and be kind to those you do not. And most importantly, be kind when it’s the last thing on your mind and when it’s the hardest thing to do.

We all make snap decisions about people automatically depending on how they look, what they wear, what they drive, but what we are really seeing is one simple peek of a multilayered person, and we are judging them on that. How different would that lonely students life be if even one person befriended them? If they felt seen and cared about and like they mattered? We as people tend to group around those with like interests, and more often than not, it’s unpopular to be seen with these “outcast” types (I’ve felt like that myself at various points in my own life). But really, why does that even matter? I know I know, try explaining that to a young teen who is going through it at the time, but there are those who, even at a young age, will just get it and the opinions of others don’t even enter the equation. Sadly even some adults do not understand this, and carry the clique attitude from high school to college and beyond.

So back to having a bad day. What if that person didn’t completely ignore you and instead came up and talked to you, asking the ‘how are you’ question, but actually wanted to know and cared enough to listen. Most of us will just go with the, ‘fine, how are you?’ reply, but if that person knows you well enough and can see that you aren’t indeed ‘fine’, they will sincerely want to know more. These are the people who stand out to us the most, as family or friends, but why stop at that?

Recently on my last stop in Banff, I was walking on a trail by the Bow River and as I approached a woman sitting on a bench, she put her head in her hands. She wasn’t crying but looked possibly upset. As she was on the phone, I didn’t want to say anything and be a bother. However, there was another woman with two young girls on bikes going the other way and I looked back after they had passed by. This second woman stopped and, I’m guessing, asked the first how she was doing, regardless of the phone. I was too far to hear but by her reaction, everything must have actually been okay.

THIS is what we need more of.

Not only caring about those we know, but having the awareness and empathy to notice what is going on around us. It isn’t the hardest thing to see someone may not be having the best day, but what can one person do about it? Sure it may be awkward to go up to a stranger and ask if they are ok, and there’s no guarantee they will actually tell you anything, but you can be sure they will remember you for at least the rest of the day. If you do ask, you may make a new friend, or possibly even save someone’s life, if their day is going that badly and that’s the direction of their thoughts.

We all want to be seen, noticed and acknowledged, even if we don’t admit it. This may not always be easy with the busy lives we lead, but I’m constantly reminding myself to see others, not just as objects in my path, but as real people with complex lives. Heck, it doesn’t take any extra time or effort to smile at someone and say hello, or compliment them on something as they walk by. You will at least get a ‘thanks’ and a smile, or you may just get ignored, but at least you tried.

So was I upset at not being acknowledged? Of course not, but now I keep it in mind when I’m out. I can’t say I’ve saved someone’s life from saying hi to them, and doing so won’t affect most people other than a ‘hi’ back, but maybe one day I will see someone who feels invisible, and to them it will matter. We probably won’t even know it, but it could be a turning point in that person’s life. We do affect those around us, the majority of the time without even knowing it.

Be friendly and kind to others. Say hello with a big smile and open arms if that’s what you do. If you don’t feel like smiling, a simple nod will suffice. You may just lift someone’s spirits, and then they, in turn, can do the same for someone else. Chances are it will come back around, when you yourself, need it the most.

I’ve been 30 for just about a year now and although there have been some big changes previously in my life, the ones that have happened during the past year seem to be the greatest of these. At certain milestones in life, be it a birthday or new years, etc, we tend to take stock of our lives, where we are and where we want to be, and I found myself doing this once again, though it was over the course of a few months. In the past I’ve had a goal or two that I wanted to accomplish, but nothing overly huge or life changing. At least not until this last time.

Moving to a new city and province for work was perhaps the start of this, but that took place a couple years ago already. Being a fresh 30 last summer, not much really changed in my day-to-day life, at least not until September rolled around. I had a vacation planned and set off to BC to visit friends and family. Turns out a few unexpected things happened, all good, and culminated on the last day when I was heading back to Calgary. The weather was beautiful and I decided to stop in Banff to end my vacation time. Just before leaving I had a chance encounter with someone I used to know (more on this in the future). We’ve since become friends, and as I’ve gotten to know her better, I’m starting to see just how much an individual can affect others. That, for me, is when the real changes start.

Before I go much further, perhaps a little background info. I’ve always been on the more introverted side of things, mostly quiet around others, especially in a group setting, and never going out much, being the most comfortable as a homebody. I do go out jogging (yes, I actually enjoy running) and for basic needs but almost never for socializing. This being the case, I’ve never had an overabundance of friends. Sure, I was “friends” with coworkers and people I went to school with, but usually there were only a couple people that I would actually go out and do stuff with. I’ve always had the desire to help others, in some form, but it’s hard to help people when I’m sitting at home, for obvious reasons.

Enter my new friend, who shall remain nameless for the time being. Over the months and coffees, I’ve started seeing what kind of person she is. Kind, generous, adventurous, world traveler, unafraid of trying new things and an all around awesome individual. As such things go when encountering this rare type of human, I started doing more myself. The tail end of last year was still a bit slow, though I still went out to the Canmore block party and to see ice sculptures at Lake Louise, but having a warm spring, I began being much more active.

Now when I go out, I look for opportunities to talk to people. That nervousness I always had before has almost disappeared, almost. But now I don’t see it as a hindrance. I see it as something to overcome and means I’m still growing as a person, which is always good and really should never end. Helping others means getting involved, something I was reluctant to do before, but these days is becoming much easier. I’m feeling much more well rounded as a person, something that does come with age, yes, but mostly because I’m starting to push myself. If we want to grow, the best way to do it is to be a bit uncomfortable in life. If all we ever do is the same old thing, our bodies and minds will begin to stagnate, and that is good for no one.

So at 30 it seems the biggest change for me has been inward, which in turn has started to come outward. I hear a lot of people say they feel old at 30, but for me, well, I’m just getting started. Exciting things are in the works and I’m looking forward to sharing them, so stick around. You might just get inspired yourself!